How Do You Like Me NOW???

I've got a little skip in my step this morning. What could have ended up as a miserable ride into work, turned into PURE, Toe-Curling Ecstasy (for me anyway). On the ride into work, I had a fuckin' nosey neighbor. I'm tapping away on my i-phone...looking at photos on Facebook, playing a few games, and texting some friends...I kept feeling my "seat neighbor" eyeballing me. I readjusted a few times, but it didn't stop him! He SUCKED at being inconspicuous! He was fuckin' trying to see everything I typed or looked at. I thought about giving him the "rude side glance", or a heavy-sigh-and-turn-the-phone-off move. But really...too lame. Instead, I decided to Google disgusting shit. OMG...that was so fun I hope I get to do it again soon.

I started with something simple...CANKER...and was so pleased with my results that I continued on with "Scabies", "Infection" and "Hemorrhoids". Simple words, yes...but google Images give it that added "umph" that you need when trying to fuck with a nosey asshole! And the coup d'etat that finally had the fucker changing his own seat position......"SMEGMA"!

SUNNY
~~with a chance of Smegma!

Twitter. The good, The bad, The lame and The stupid.

Tonight I popped onto Twitter to have a laugh at social media. Don't get me wrong, I love Twitter. I love the fact I can write nasty messages to a few famous people I think are fucking losers and the chances of them actually reading it are quite good. That is fucking awesome.

What is fucking lame is when you see someone is following you, you follow them back, and then they delete you.
Here's the scenario.

A fat loser that looks like he was the former lead singer of the band Tesla 22 yrs ago starts following you. You go to his page, he seems legit (albeit ugly) but he is a tiny bit funny and doesn't have 27,856 followers, making me believe he hasn't used those fucking follower generators so he looks famous in the "social media network". You follow him back...
Only for him to stop following you. As if you won't notice.

You pop onto http://www.friendorfollow.com/ for a little look-see. Guess what? Fat ugly Tesla dude totally ditched you! You click over to his page and see he's ditched A LOT of people, you know why? It's more than A LITTLE obvious he is following people to get followbacks to...
dun dun duuuuun....
Look popular.

Sweetheart, were you bullied in high school? Are you hated at the office? Do girls at the gym snicker at you? Is TWITTER really the place you want to play the popularity game? If so, you still fucking lose. Not only did I STOP following you, now I blocked your ass. Sometimes I even write a little message letting you know, that I know, that you are a fucking LOSER. So there. I still win.

Or how about when companies follow you and then stop? Like clothing shops, or shoes? HELLO? So the economy is that great you can pick and chose your customers? Because listen here, bitches, there's NO reason a shop shouldn't give the courtesy of a fucking follow back. PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW YOU ARE CUSTOMERS and more importantly, prospective customers! You don't want to give them a "thanks?" Do you think it makes your little biz-net look superior with your 956 followers and you only follow 12? Really?

Social Media is social networking. Yeah, NETWORKING. Which means communication goes TWO ways. If you aren't fucking Ashton Kutcher, I am not going to follow your lame ass without a followback.

And if you don't like swearing,
DON'T FUCKING FOLLOW IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Peace, Love and Vodka Shots.
Alice